Making decisions doesn't have to be so hard
I enjoy collaborating on decisions, but only with groups that agree to use a technique I refer to as consent-based decision making. I might not use that term exactly as the coiners intended, so let me explain what I mean. I characterize consent-based decision making by putting forth a proposal, then looking for reasoned objections. When no-one raises such an objection, we accept the proposal. I find this style of decision making quicker, easier, and better for team unity than typical approaches.
Consent-based decision making contrasts sharply with a typical decision-making exercise, which tends to follow these steps:
- Present a need or problem.
- Present options.
- Solicit more options from the group.
- Discuss the merits of each option in detail.
- Propose solutions.
- Combine the proposed solutions into a kind of hybrid solution to which everyone can assent.
- Ask for any last-minute objections.
- Decide.
I feel tired trying to make decisions this way, and it seems that the fatigue rises with at least the square of the number of people involved. Not only do I find it difficult to make decisions this way, but that difficulty encourages me to exclude people who might otherwise have valuable input. It puts me in a place of wanting to prune ideas, rather than generate them. You can understand why I’d want to avoid this kind of consensus building.
Some objections
When I have taught consent-based decision making to my clients, some of them have pointed out that it leads to a particularly negative culture: “Don’t bring me problems; bring me solutions.” I agree that, practised mindlessly, that could happen, but because I insist we practise mindfully, I think we can avoid this problem. Still others have pointed out that this style of decision-making stifles creativity because it intimidates people who want to point out a flaw in a proposal without necessarily having a better proposal. Again I agree, but we can mitigate this risk by looking at one of consent-based decision making’s greatest strengths: separating generating ideas from selecting a solution.
I remember dozens of meetings in which I participated in making decisions by building consensus, specifically how inconsistently engaged I felt. I would enter some of these meetings with a desire to generate ideas, brainstorm, and explore solutions; and I would entry other of these meetings tired of sifting through ideas, craving to decide on a course of action. I can’t tell you why I felt the way I felt, but rather just that it varied, and that I felt it strongly. Sometimes I wanted to expand the solution space, and other times I wanted desperately to contract it. So far, I don’t see a problem with that, but there are, of course, other people.
When you and I enter a decision-making meeting with different goals, we create problems for each other. When you want to generate ideas and I want to select a solution, we fight for air time, for space, and indeed for life… at least, it feels that way to me. I struggle to bring us to a sensible solution, and as my wish comes close to coming true, you trample on it with yet another pie-in-the-sky idea. Worse, your idea might fit perfectly, but I simply won’t see it that way. I will interpret your every new idea as an attempt to prolong the agony, whereas you will interpret my every attempt to choose a solution as an attempt to shut you down. Result? War. Root cause? Cross purposes. Remedy? Alignment. (Surprised?)
Two goals, two meetings
Consider, instead, having two separate meetings: one to generate proposals, and one to select a proposal. You might find that that helps.
In the first meeting, we generate ideas, brainstorm, solicit opinions, run impact studies… whatever we need to do to generate proposals. The people who come to this meeting might or might not care about making the decision. Whatever happens, we can feel certain that whoever shows up wants to lend their ideas to the group, and most importantly, we ignore any attempt at choosing a solution. We agree in advance to ignore them, because we have a different goal in this meeting. We agree not to chastise people for attempting to choose a solution because they form part of our natural impulse to jump to a conclusion. We agree to recognize each other’s humanity by allowing each other to compare or rank solutions, but we generally ignore those attempts in a quiet, friendly manner. (See Ask Why, But Don’t Answer for an explanation.)
The second meeting starts with a proposal. The group may ask clarifying questions, but by now we shouldn’t need to ask too many. The Proposer than asks the group to vote, which the group does by signaling thumb up, sideways, or down. A thumb up means “I accept the proposal”. A thumb sideways means “I will go with the rest of the group”. I thumb down means “I reject the proposal”. Of course, if you reject the proposal, then you must make a counter-proposal right away, otherwise the group feels free to ignore your vote. The group repeats this process until either it makes a decision or reaches a deadlock. If it reaches a deadlock, then we immediately adjourn the meeting and schedule another one to explore the competing proposals in depth. Why schedule another meeting? In part, to discourage people from rejecting a proposal just for the sake of rejecting it, and to give those people an opportunity to sleep on it before beginning another round of brainstorming.
No silver bullet
Naturally, people could abuse this system. And yes, when we have to make particular tough decisions, this system could take longer than the consensus-building approach. Even so, for more routine decisions, consent-based decision making works more quickly and easily, and I’d rather make easy things easy and hard things possible than optimize for the hard decisions.














